My ED story

I’ll start with a little backstory on myself. I was a perfectly normal teenager till i was about 15, then after i changed school something changed. I noticed all the popular kids on my new school were a lot skinnier than i was, so i started looking after what i ate. In the beginning it was just making sure i didn’t eat as much candy anymore, but after a while i started obsessing over calories. This was the beginning of everything.

I started looking into how many calories you coul eat on a day, how many calories were in everything i ate, what foods were “safe foods”, what drinks were “safe”. Overall i was getting obsessed.

Breakfast was easy to avoid, so that was the first meal i started skipping. I just told my dad i’d eat something at school, at school i said i ate at home. For lunch in the beginning of the year i ate whatever sandwiches my dad gave me, but after a month or two i started throwing those out and i just lived on chewing gum and espresso. For dinner it was harder to escape seeing as i was at the table with my dad and i couldn’t possibly say i wasnt hungry every night, which is where a new problem started.

Seeing as i couldn’t get out of dinner i started throwing up right after i ate, so at least i didn’t feel as full. At first it was just a few times that i did it but soon it became a habbit of doing it after every meal. In just a month time i lost 10 kilo’s thanks to all the unhealthy ”dieting”. After a whil my dad started noticing i changed and i was him cry for one of the first moments i ever saw in my life. I only saw him cry 2 after that, the day he said he had cancer and the day he died.

Seeing has he noticed i had lost weight, and realising how worried ge was i started eating again and i got back on my normal weight but i wasn’t okay. Instead of starving myself or purging i found an other way of coping with my low self-esteem which was self harm. That went on for about a year till i got together with my ex and i stopped selfharm for the upcoming 6 years. Once i broke up with him i relapsed big time.

I was after a while able to step away from the selfharm even though i still struggle with it sometimes. Recently my bulimia came back and to this day i’m still struggling with it. I started seeing a dietitian so she could help me on the right track in a health way, i’ll post updates on my blogs about good and bad days.

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